I Was Counting On Forever
by eponnia
Summary: Modern AU inspired by Carrie Underwood's "Just A Dream." They were supposed to raise the children together after he returned from his year-long deployment overseas and live happily ever after side by side. They were supposed to – but they didn't. [Not a songfic. NBC Live!verse Georg/Maria two-shot.]
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: This horribly sad idea came to me out of the blue. Just to be clear, this is not a songfic, but inspired heavily by Carrie Underwood's **_**Just A Dream**_**, though with some minor alterations to the story the song tells. The title of this fic is borrowed from a lyric from **_**Just A Dream**_**.**

_**I Was Counting On Forever**_** is based on the NBC Live! production with Stephen Moyer and Carrie Underwood. This story is full of angsty Georg/Maria feels set in a modern AU where the political climate is less chaotic and Georg is a willing member of the US Navy, because I know more about American military customs than Austrian ones. **

* * *

_It's like I'm looking from a distance_

_Standing in the background_

_Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now_

_This can't be happening to me_

_This is just a dream_

- Carrie Underwood,_ Just A Dream_

* * *

The moment the doorbell rang would be forever branded into her memory.

Maria looked up from hand washing a pan in the kitchen as the bell sounded. Drying her hands on a towel and brushing a strand of golden hair out of her eyes, she went to the door, opening it to see a man in a full dress military uniform.

"Can I help you?" she asked, not recognizing him.

"Are you Mrs. Maria von Trapp, ma'am?" he said.

"Yes," she replied, confused, but stilled as the man held out an envelope bearing the stamp of the US Navy.

"This is for you," he said solemnly.

She reached out to take the envelope, her fingers starting to shake. Turning it over, Maria ripped open the flap unceremoniously, dread pounding through her veins and fogging her senses. Her heart seemed to stop beating, however, when she read the words on the page.

_Dear Mrs. von Trapp, _

_We regret to inform you Georg von Trapp was killed in battle at 21:00 on the Evening of July 19 while an enemy force ambushed the USS _New Liberty _in the_ _Persian Gulf. _

The tears in Maria's eyes blurred the signatures at the bottom of the paper.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," the man said respectfully, tipping his hat to her before turning and walking down the driveway.

Maria shut the door behind him before covering her face with her hands, the death notice falling to the floor as she wept.

* * *

She looked up from her seat at the kitchen table, mascara running down her cheeks as she heard the front door open, the school bus engine starting in the street as it left. Marta and Gretl ran in first, Brigitta chattering behind them, and Louisa, Freidrich and Kurt followed, laughing about something. Maria took a moment to take in her stepchildren's happiness, knowing it would vanish the moment she spoke.

"Children?" she said in a voice hoarse from crying, and their laughter and smiles died as they took in her appearance.

"Mother?" Louisa asked as she locked the front door behind them, worried, her siblings exchanging alternately both concerned and frightened glances.

"I have something to tell you," Maria said, swallowing the lump in her throat. She held out a hand, and Gretl stepped forward to grasp it in her small hand. Maria pulled her youngest stepdaughter onto her lap as the rest of the children slowly moved into the kitchen. As she blinked rapidly, trying to compose herself, she saw Marta and Brigitta nervously holding hands.

"First of all, where's Liesl?" Maria asked.

"Rolf's giving her a ride home," Freidrich explained. Maria almost told the children they would have to wait until their eldest sister arrived, but she couldn't keep anything from the worried faces staring at her.

"I… I got a letter today," Maria began. Louisa went white as Kurt and Freidrich exchanged a scared look. "Your father… he's not coming home."

"Why not?" Marta asked in a scared tone.

"He went to heaven, Marta," Maria said with a watery smile, happy that at least she knew where her husband had gone to for certain. Georg's faith had been strengthened during their marriage, and he had even told Maria in emails and calls that his Protestant beliefs had only grown during his time in the Persian Gulf.

"He's not coming back," Maria said quietly, tears again filling her eyes.

Louisa turned and ran up the stairs, her bedroom door slamming shut. Kurt, always kind-hearted, enveloped Brigitta in a hug as he tried himself not to cry. Freidrich, seeing his brother's example, hugged Marta as he tried valiantly not to hold back tears. Gretl buried her face in Maria's shoulder, clinging to her stepmother as they both began to cry together.

They heard the front door unlock, and Maria looked up to see a smile fading from Liesl's face as she stood in the doorway with her boyfriend Rolf. "What's going on?" the sixteen-year-old asked as she saw her family's tears.

"We got Father's death notice," Brigitta said brokenly before Maria could respond, and Liesl dropped her purse.

"Liesl?" Rolf said worriedly. "Are you alright?"

"I'm–" Liesl began, but hesitated. "I don't know," she admitted quietly.

"I think you should sit down," Rolf said, guiding her to the stairs. Maria watched as her eldest stepdaughter sank down to the second step, her boyfriend taking a seat beside her with a concerned expression.

"Rolf," Liesl said, "could you come back later?" Maria watched as she sighed shakily. "I just need time with my family…"

"Of course," Rolf said, standing. "Call me if you need anything," he said, going to the door. Maria saw that he lingered at the door, however, as he watched Liesl stand and approach her stepmother.

"Where's Louisa?" the sixteen-year-old asked Maria after looking over her group of siblings.

"In her room."

Liesl turned and returned to the stairs, not even seeing her boyfriend at the door as she ascending the steps, knocking on her sister's door and going inside. Only then did Rolf leave, a serious expression on his face.

Maria turned her attention back to her stepchildren, wrapping her arms tighter around Gretl as a dark cloud seemed to settle over the house.

* * *

Only when she was alone that night in bed did Maria truly mourn.

She had focused on taking care of her stepchildren on much that she had not had time to dwell on her own grief. She belatedly realized that the bed she had slept in alone while Georg had been deployed was now just hers, never to be shared by her husband again.

The house that she had worked in and now lived in, where the children had grown up and Georg occupied for years, would never hear his whistle, guitar or violin. He would never wear the clothes that hung in his closet, nor sit at his desk in his office. He would never give her a sweet kiss before greeting his children after coming home from work. He would never complain about the state of the government nor praise her terrible dinners to make her feel better about her cooking. He would never stand with Maria by the fountain in the terrace out back and talk with her.

He would never give Liesl another driving lesson nor see any of his children off to college. He would never celebrate birthdays, Christmas or Easter. He would never pile the children into the car and drive them all to church. He would never hold her at night and reassure her that she was, in fact, a good mother, despite her fears. He would never kiss her goodnight nor sing with the family.

He would never do any of those things.

Eyes stinging with tears, Maria got out of bed and went to the small sewing table she had moved into a corner of the bedroom just after the wedding. During the deployment, Georg had mailed home his favorite jacket and asking her to repair a hole, explaining that his lack of sewing skills paled in comparison to hers. She had just finished sewing the hole and had been about to mail it back to him, but now there was no need.

Tears came to her eyes again at the thought as she unfolded the coat and took it from the sewing table to the bed, holding the most tangible memory of her husband available as she cried herself to sleep. A vivid dream of a memory appeared in her mind as she slept fitfully.

"_Maria?"_

"_Yes?" she answered as she sat in bed, looking away from her laptop, a Christmas gift from Georg, and saw her husband standing in the doorway of their bedroom, still in work clothes and a serious expression on his face. "Is something wrong?"_

"_I got a deployment notice."_

_She shut the lid of her laptop and waited for him to continue._

"_They want me to leave in a month. I'll be gone for a year." Georg sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers, a habit when he was stressed. Maria saw the tension in his shoulders, and got out of bed, approaching him to rest a hand on his shoulder._

"_Are you worried?" she asked softly._

"_Not for me," he responded. "I know that you and the children will be fine while I'm gone, but it's so soon after the wedding…"_

"_Georg, it will be alright," Maria said. "I know it's sooner than we would like, but we'll make it through. All you have to do is your job, and I'll get experience being a mother to the children instead of a nanny. We'll be fine, you'll see."_

_She pulled her hand from Georg's shoulder as he embraced her, resting his chin on the top of her head as she rested her cheek on his chest. "Thank you, Maria," he said._

_The dream scene changed, and Maria found herself outside the airport with Georg and the children to see him off. In his military service dress uniform, he hugged each of the children individually, giving words of assurance and encouragement before moving onto the next child. When he reached Maria, Georg pulled her into a tight embrace. As he pulled back after only a brief moment, she thought about protesting about the lack of contact, but didn't complain when he kissed her._

_They were not publically affectionate people by any means, preferring to keep their love from being a show for onlookers. But Maria forgot all that as she kissed her husband for a long time, praying that it wasn't the last. Freidrich coughed, but they didn't pull apart immediately. Finally their lips separated, only for air, as they stared into each other's eyes. _

"_We'll be fine, you'll see," Georg repeated her earlier words quietly, looking at her intensely as he brushed a strand of her golden hair behind her ear. She could only nod in response, swallowing hard as he stepped back. She watched as he picked up his bags, looking at his family. _

"_Goodbye," he said in a strained voice, clearing his throat. "I love you all." As his children coursed their farewells, Georg's gaze swept over his family before he turned and followed the crowd into the airport's revolving door. The children waved when he entered the building, looking over his shoulder as they bade him goodbye. He caught Maria's eye before turning and walking further into the airport, soon lost in the crowds._

Maria woke, more tears running down her face. She clung to his coat, wishing that she could turn back time and stop him from leaving. But there was nothing she could do, so she fell asleep from sheer exhaustion, tears not yet dry on her cheeks.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: One more chapter to go!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Since the Mother Abbess does not have a name in the show, I have decided to call her Peggy McDonald, as a nod to Peggy Wood, the actress who portrayed her in the film, and Audra McDonald, the Mother Abbess in the Live! version, the latter on whom she is based in this fic.**

**I originally planned to have everyone to be Catholic as a nod back to the show, but one, as a Protestant myself, I know more about Protestant funeral services and have a lesser chance of incorrectly describing them. Two, a woman (here, the Mother Abbess) can be a pastor in a Protestant church; only men can be priests in Catholic churches. **

* * *

_Baby why'd you leave me_

_Why'd you have to go?_

_I was counting on forever_

_Now I'll never know_

_I can't even breathe_

- Carrie Underwood,_ Just A Dream_

* * *

Maria was convinced there could not be many days more painful in existence than when she went to receive Georg's casket from the military airport.

She had seriously debated leaving all the children at home, but decided to take them all, not wanting to deny them the memory, as emotional as it would be. The car ride was quiet despite the seven children piled into the vehicle, but Maria could think of nothing to say. It wasn't the time for small talk, so she didn't make an attempt. They pulled up to the air force based where the plane carrying the casket would land, and Maria showed the security guard her military identification card – a card she had gotten a week after the wedding.

"My condolences, ma'am," the security guard said as he recognized her, nodding respectfully to her and her family.

"Thank you," Maria replied, drawing in a shuddering breath as the gate opened. She blinked back tears as she drove the car through and parked, fighting back the ones that threatened to spill over. Liesl, sitting in the passenger seat, handed her a box of tissues, and Maria thanked her stepdaughter with a watery smile. After composing herself, she looked in the rearview mirror to see the rest of the children in the backseat watching her solemnly. "Let's go," Maria said, shoving a handful of tissues in her pocket as she opened her car door.

The family walked together through the parking lot to the office building, an air force officer in full military dress uniform waiting on the curb. "Mrs. von Trapp?" he asked, and continued at her nod. "I am CW4 commanding officer Bright. My condolences to you and your family."

"Thank you," Maria said, shaking the hand he offered.

"The plane will be landing on the first strip and then taxi to the hanger. We will meet it there."

They followed him to the hanger, the largest building on the base. The enormous floor-to-ceiling steel door which normally served as a fourth wall had been raised, creating a slight draft. A long table of assorted food and drinks was against a wall, available for those waiting and the arriving pilots, and a red carpet had been placed on the concrete floor. A small crowd of Navy and Air Force members were waiting for them; some Maria had met, and some she assumed were friends of Georg's or fellow soldiers he had worked with over the years. A group introduced themselves as the captain's honor guard and the pallbearers to the car the funeral home had sent, explaining that they would give Georg's casket a full military welcome before sending it with the funeral home. A chaplain also introduced himself, saying that he would pray over Georg's casket. Maria almost lost it at the support they were being given, but managed to hold back her tears, focusing instead on keeping an eye on her seven stepchildren.

An airplane engine was heard in the distance, and grew in volume as the plane landed. The small aircraft touched down, hurtling down the landing strip past the hanger, and slowed only to turn and drive slowly back to the open hanger. The plane stopped in front of the crowd, the engines shutting off as a platform was wheeled to the side of the aircraft while the cargo door was opened.

Maria barely registered the honor guard marching to the plane, followed by the officers and the chaplain, as she saw the single casket, covered in a large American flag, in the cargo hold, being moved to the lift that would bring it to the pallbearers.

It was really happening.

"Is Father in there?" Marta asked in a clear voice, interrupting the silence that had fallen.

"Yes," Maria managed to whisper, resting a hand on her stepdaughter's shoulder. "We need to be quiet, dear."

A commander shouted an order for the honor guard to present arms after their salute. As the soldiers presented their weapons, Maria saw Georg's commanding officer stepped forward to stand at attention before the casket on the lowered lift, holding a salute as the chaplain began to pray.

Maria became aware of the tears streaming down her cheeks as she bowed her head, Gretl, Brigitta and Marta clinging to her. As the chaplain finished praying, she looked up to see the rest of the children standing together, each in different stages of grief.

The pallbearers moved forward and picked up the casket, carrying it to the red carpet on the ground and placing it carefully on the ground. They stepped back as Gretl went forward to approach her father's casket, squatting down beside it to rest a hand on the flag.

"Goodbye, Father," she said in a clear voice, and Maria heard the chaplain clear his throat in an attempt not to cry.

Marta stepped away from Maria's side to join Gretl, and one by one the rest of the older siblings joined them beside the coffin. Maria herself went last, trying to comfort all of her stepchildren at once as their grief seemed to fill the hanger.

* * *

Three days later, Maria dressed methodically, donning her black dress purchased specifically for the funeral. The children were quiet as she served them a simple breakfast, and just before they piled into the car to go to the church for the service, she went to the piano Georg had bought her as an engagement gift.

"Children? Would you like to rehearse the song?" she said, and her stepchildren gathered around the instrument solemnly. Taking a seat, Maria began to play the intro, fingers gently pressing the keys. As the children began to sing, she was sure that she would never heard a more sorrowful tune in her life.

Tears came to her eyes as they finished. "Very good, children," she said, wiping the corner of her eye as they finished. "We should get going."

Maria led her stepchildren into the now-empty church that would soon fill with mourners. As they walked through the doors, she saw the pastor who had all but raised her, Peggy McDonald, talking to Sophia, another church member and a friend of Maria's; the dark-haired and wide-eyed younger woman had always supported her over the years.

"Oh, my dear," Peggy said, opening her arms, and Maria stepped into her embrace, eyes filling with tears once more. She heard Sophia talking to the children, but for once Maria did not turn to offer comfort them; it was she who needed consoling now.

"Everything is prepared and ready to go," Peggy said as Maria stepped back. The pastor reached up to brush a tear from the blonde's cheek, her own brown skin contrasting Maria's pale color.

"My offer still stands," Peggy continued as they began to move into the main sanctuary where the children were now seated. "If you need anything, anything at all, just call and I and the church will gladly offer assistance."

"Thank you," Maria said, her voice catching slightly. She fought back more tears, not wanting to completely lose control. _Not when the children need me to be strong._

A short while later, the mourners began to arrive. Maria would have stood by the church entrance to greet them, but had her hands full watching over the younger children. They weren't been very rambunctious, and the older siblings helped, but the younger girls were starting to fidget. To Maria's relief, they quieted when Peggy began to give a sermon about life after death in heaven and looking to God for support. Maria looked out one of the church windows to see the grand mountains surrounding the valley in which they lived as Peggy read the first eight verses from Psalm 121.

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from?" the pastor said, her rich voice carrying through the sanctuary. "My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip – he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

"The Lord watches over you," Peggy continued. "The Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." The pastor set her Bible down on the podium and said, "Let us pray."

As Peggy prayed aloud, Maria closed her eyes and folded her hands in her lap, silently adding her own prayers. _Lord Almighty, please help me care for these children_, she pleaded. _I do not have much experience being a mother, but let me comfort them through their loss. And I ask for your peace for myself. I am being selfish, wanting Georg here when I know he is a better place with You. Give me strength as I move forward, and help me raise these children well._

"In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit," Peggy said, "amen."

"Amen," Maria murmured along with the rest of the mourners. "Now, children," she whispered, and her stepchildren formed a line, youngest to oldest, to file past the coffin to place small bouquets of Edelweiss flowers on the surface. Maria went to the piano and began to play the opening chords to the hymn they had rehearsed only a short while earlier as the children moved into position.

_Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,_

_That saved a wretch like me._

_I once was lost but now am found_

_Was blind, but now I see..._

As they sang Georg's favorite hymn, more tears sprang to Maria's eyes, and she looked up from the piano for a moment to see most of the mourners crying as well.

She drew in a shuddering breath as they finished, inwardly dreading the next part of the service if only to keep herself from potentially losing all control of her tear ducts as she moved to stand with Gretl, Marta, and Brigitta by the podium, the rest of the children remaining nearby on the platform. Maria pulled the carefully written flashcards from the pocket of her dress amid wads of tissues placed there in preparation, and took the microphone from Peggy.

"All of the children asked to say a few words," she said for the benefit of the mourners. Maria knelt down with the youngest girls and held the microphone before them. They had planned for Brigitta to speak first, but Marta spoke up, her voice carrying throughout the sanctuary.

"Mother, I want Father to come back."

Maria placed a kiss on the seven-year-old's forehead and hugged the girl as she handed the microphone to Brigitta.

The nine-year-old spoke of her father's love for their family before holding the microphone out for Gretl, who said that she missed Georg carrying her up the stairs at night for bed. Marta chimed in to talk about her father's bed time stories. Louisa talked about the jokes she shared with her father, while Kurt explained that Georg had always been a role model for him. Freidrich spoke next about wanting more of his father's advice and his own dream of one day following in Georg's footsteps to join the navy. Liesl took the microphone from her brother.

"Five years ago, Agathe, our mother, passed away from cancer," the sixteen-year-old said. "Father hired nannies and a housekeeper to help out when he was deployed, but I had to step up and look after my siblings. I will be honest, Father wasn't home too much until Mother – I mean, Maria, our last nanny – was hired. But one thing he taught me, above all else," Liesl said, her voice thick with unshed tears, "was responsibility. He taught me to be self-reliant and to be confident in myself." She cleared her throat.

"Father had his flaws, yes, but he did come home. I remember that my siblings and I used to scare off our nannies just to make Father come home to hire another one." Liesl smiled at the memory before glancing at her stepmother. "But Maria changed him. I am grateful to you, Mother, for getting him to open up and stay at home more. He became the person he was always meant to be with your help, and I am grateful for that. Because of you, I was able to get to know him better. He taught me how to drive and gave me the talk about what he would allow and not allow me to do during dates," she said with a smile. Maria looked into the congregation to see Rolf sitting in the back of the sanctuary as he watched his girlfriend speak.

"I have many good memories of my father, and I'm glad I was able to get to know him before he left for this most recent deployment," Liesl said seriously, wiping away a tear as she lowered the microphone.

Maria followed the children back to their seats as the final hymn began to play, a repeat of _Amazing Grace_. Brigitta was openly crying, and Liesl put an arm around her sister's shoulders as the rest expressed different stages of mourning. Louisa took one of Maria's tissues, but she pretended not to notice, knowing her stepdaughter would not want to make a scene. Kurt, biting his lip and valiantly trying to remain strong, and Freidrich, with a serious expression, tried to comfort Marta and Gretl, who sat on either side of their brothers.

None of the family could manage to sing the hymn again.

After the service, Sophia, Peggy and Mrs. Schmidt, the housekeeper, promised Maria to look after the children as she left to see the mourners out of the church. She choked up all over again when his fellow Navy enlisted men and women came to her in a group, and Georg's commanding officer, Admiral von Schreiber, expressed their condolences for the loss of her husband. Most of the mourners were connected to Georg, and she recognized some, but not all. Her family consisted of the church members who had taken her under their wing after her parents' death, and she had only a small circle of friends outside that.

After shaking the hands of the Elberfelds, a couple who lived in the same neighborhood in a grand home two properties down the street, Maria looked up to see Max and Elsa standing together. Gone were their normal carefree dispositions; Maria had not seen Elsa so grave since the time she had accidentally walked in on Georg and the woman ending their engagement. But the time for grievances was over.

"We wish to extend our commiserations, Maria," Elsa said, and even then Maria was reminded of the wealthy woman's flair for dramatics. But, seeing Elsa's woeful expression of true sorrow, Maria knew flowery language would be the only expression of her normal extravagant personality.

"If there is anything you need," Max added, looking equally as downtrodden, "just say the word."

"Thank you," Maria said. "I truly appreciate it."

Elsa looked as if she wanted to say something else, but only gave Maria a rueful smile and left the church with Max.

* * *

Maria heard a light knock on her door just after turning off the lamp by her bed late that evening.

"Come in," she said wearily, and the door opened to reveal Gretl's small figure. "What is it?" Maria said, turning the lamp back on to see tear stains on the five-year-old's face.

"I want Father," Gretl whimpered.

"Oh, darling, come here," Maria said, her heart going out to the young girl as she helped Gretl into the bed. She pulled the youngest of her stepchildren onto her lap, letting Gretl cry into her shirt, one of Georg's T shirts she could not resist wearing. The five-year-old's sobs were not quiet, but Maria did not want to inhibit her mourning, knowing that very few of her stepchildren would get any sleep that night.

Two more figures came to her doorway, and Maria was reminded of the night, early into her employment as the children's nanny, when all the children had come to her room during a thunderstorm. Tears came to her eyes again, knowing she would brave a thousand thunderstorms in a heartbeat if only to have Georg at her side again.

"Come join us," she said to Brigitta and Marta, who now came forward without any hesitation or embarrassment, a contrast to that stormy night.

"Do you miss him?" Marta asked as Brigitta helped her younger sister onto the bed.

"Very much," Maria answered. Marta pressed herself into her stepmother's side as Brigitta pulled her knees to her chest, uncharacteristically quiet.

The sound of the two younger girls weeping must have carried down the hall, for Louisa came next, not saying a word but taking a seat on what had been Georg's side of the bed, taking his pillow and holding it tightly to her chest in grave contemplation. Maria did not comment on her presence, knowing the thirteen-year-old would open up when she was ready.

The boys came next, worried expressions on their faces for their sisters' well-being. Maria only patted the mattress as an invitation for them to approach, and they did so, Kurt sitting with Brigitta and letting her lean against his shoulder. Freidrich took a seat by Louisa, offering silent support, and they exchanged a brief smile before focusing on their own grief.

Liesl came last, having obviously heard her siblings leaving their rooms. She had a blanket draped around her shoulders, holding it close like a shield, covering her tank top and shorts. With a sigh, she found a space beside Maria and rested her head on her stepmother's shoulder, pensive.

As the night progressed, Maria watched the children fall asleep. They had moved from their original positions, some ending up on the floor, and soon only Maria, Liesl, Freidrich and Louisa were left awake. She saw Freidrich finally nod off, losing the battle against the throes of sleep even as he attempted to stay up to emotionally support Louisa. Marta and Gretl were curled up by Maria, while Brigitta and Kurt were stretched out, side by side, at the foot of the bed.

Liesl, still at her stepmother's side, turned off the lamp that Maria had nearly forgotten was still on. The sixteen-year-old slid off the bed to go Louisa's side, sharing a tired smile with her younger sister. Only then did Maria let herself fall asleep.

It would never be the same without Georg, she knew. But they would survive and heal if only they faced their grief together.


End file.
